Short story

"Helen Collins " I hear my name being called by a quiet calm nurse wearing a dark blue uniform.

I lay down my little ring back pad,the one I had been writing my affirmations in.

" I am safe"

"all is well"

"everything that is happening is happening for my highest good"

"my healing powers are operating on maximum power"

I walk down the corridor past other waiting people. Some are reading ,some are listening to I players,some are drinking coffee out of brown cardboard cups.

The nurse says "I want to test your eyes;"

I have to cover my eye with one hand and read the letters on the lit up test board with the other eye.

I realise I am wearing the wrong glasses.I feel a flicker of panic.

I take a slow deep breath and go ahead covering first my right eye then my left.

I do OK right down to the last two lines then I just take a guess.

The calm nurse gives nothing away,she says that is fine and asks me for my post code.

She asks me go go back down the corridor and wait with the others till the doctor calls my name.

I start writting more calming affirmations in my little blue ringback pad.

The pad has small blue squares ,like the ones in the maths books we had at primary school , to do our sums in.

Nurses come back and forth bringing patients to the laser clinic;showing them where to sit and telling them what to expect.

Helen Collins? my name is called again this time by a young male doctor.

Apprehension grips me when I see the paraphernalia in his little consulting room.

He tells me he is going to treat both eyes today.The treatment will help reduce the pressure behind my eyes,he is confident about this,because in his experience the results were always good..I feel a small sense of hope.

"Is this your speciality " I ask

"you mean eyes" ?

"yes"

he smiles "yes "he reassures me"

Has Dr Chourday told you I am a bad parient? I can't stand anyone or anything near my eyes I tell him.

You are not the first and you will not be the last,he laughs gently, and I feel myself relaxing a bit.

He put drops in my eys and talks me through the procedure.

He has to put a lense on my eye in order to use the laser.

I feel scared ,but, he is gentle and patient with me and soon the lense is in my eye and my head is in place in the chin rest.

It is turing out to be quite painless ,just a little uncomfortable keeping my eye opened,looking at him looking up ,looking down:

all the time his voice is quite and encouraging."that's good" "won't be long " "last thing now"

The right eye is done and I am feeling quite proud of myself now.

I realise I have been scaring myself with thoughts of moving at the wrong time, doing someting to make matters worse,maybe even running away.

The left eye is so much easier I am feeling quite relaxed now.

He tells me, that in an hour the nurse will test the pressure of my eyes.

Occasionally the pressure behind the eyes jumps up after the treatment.

I ask him if have to wait in the corridor.he says no I can go for a cup of tea.

I hear my voice in my head "I have had the treatment and I can STILL see"

I find John eating a sausage roll and reading the Guardian. He gives me a hug and asks if I would likea cup of tea. I want a coffee but have an irrational idea I must have tea because the doctor said " go for a cup of tea."

I sit for a while simply enjoying seeing the abulances coming and going in the car park.

I return to the laser treatment center and I just sit gazing into space letting the relief flood over me.

The calm nurse calls my name ,she checks the pressure of both eyes with her little blue instrument.She says " the pressure in both eyes is normal."

The doctor pops his head round the door and asks how I am. "I feel fine and thank you so much for your work" he smiles "my pleasure"

I skip out of the hospital into a grey rainy day but in my heart the sun is shinning.